Postcards from Gameville

We took a hippogryph to Teldrassil and really, can I just say how much cooler these things are than gryphons? They’re gorgeous. A much better ride. I’d like to petition the gryphon union of the Eastern Kingdoms to consider allowing other choices to your customers. I know we’re filled with continental pride and all but don’t fear import vehicles. We’ll still have jobs at home!

Randis and I went through the glowing, teleporting tree—and honestly, I’m still trying to figure out how the night elves grew that thing when they don’t have any mages—and circled round the big bank tree that looks like a big bear with an eagle on top of it. It’s rather amazing, and Randis thought so too.

“WOW!”

“Yes,” I said, “it’s huge. A mighty marvel.”

“It’s so cool! Thanks for taking me here, Eifle. You’re the best!”

To be honest, I was filled with a sense of pride at that point, mixed with hope for our future generations, that they’d be gracious, humble, hard-working and—

“Hey, can you take me to Theramore?”

Randis’ request broke me out of my reverie. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah, I wanna meet Jaina Proudmoore and get her autograph. She’s my hero! Can we go? I mean, we’re on the same continent.”

“Yes, but—”

“And I want some ice cream. Tigole’s Strawberry. Mmmm.”

“What?”

“I think they make it in the Shimmering Flats.”

“What?!”

“Tigole’s makes the best ice cream! Mmmm.”

So much for my hopes for the future.

We took the boat from Auberdine back to Menethil, and then another boat to Theramore. On the way, I turned to Randis and said, “I’d like to point out that I’ve taken you across the ocean three times at this point.”

“Uh huh.”

“I’m just saying. In case you wanted to grasp the enormity of effort that’s gone into this field trip. Three transoceanic journeys. Two transcorporeal death scenes. Setting my hearthstone to Stormwind when I’m needed in Loch Modan.”

“I wonder if Jaina likes Tigole’s Strawberry ice cream.”

I’m never having kids.

We arrived at Theramore and went straight to the main tower, no time for sightseeing. Up we climbed, and at the top, Jaina actually gave a moment of her time to me (and I stress “me” because Randis was suddenly too shy).

“You’re very kind for taking Randis around like this, Eifle,” she said to me. “You seem tired, you must have travelled very far to come here!”

“You have no idea,” I said.

Randis, to his credit, was really grateful for Jaina’s autograph, and was overjoyed that she wrote him a personal message as well. But as soon as we were done in the tower, I activated my hearthstone.

Randis cocked his head at me. “Is that… can that thing take us both back? I heard that they only work for one person.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” I said, letting the hearthstone continue to charge. “Empirical evidence is the best way to answer questions. Let’s find out together.”

Adventuring parents, your hearthstone can bring your kid back home with you, just so you know.

Now, fortunately, it turned out that there was an ice cream vendor in Stormwind that has Tigole’s Strawberry, so Randis’ last request was easy to fulfill. I handed him the ice cream and he beamed.

“Wow, what an awesome day. Thank you so much, Eifle. I think it’s time I got back to the orphanage, though.”

I wasn’t going to argue. But… okay. I like the kid. He knows how to set goals. Just don’t tell him I like him, or he’ll want to do this again next year.

We went back, I dropped Randis off, and for my efforts I received something that I have to admit made all the globetrotting worth it. I got… Mr. Wiggles!

Now I have a friend to keep me company, and he can help me practice my disappearing pig trick!

The Loch Modan region is a welcome relief from the wintery Dun Morogh… for about two minutes. Then you realize what a flipping zoo Loch Modan is. If it’s not spiders trying to make you supper, it’s bears or boars or crocolisks or whatever those things are at the bottom of the loch. Still, I had been charged with showing young Randis around, so north we went along the road towards the Stonewrought Dam.

Our journey went mostly without a hitch, up until the point where we had to cut east across the land. That’s where we ran across an encampment of kobolds who had taken over the mines.

“You gonna fight ‘em?” Randis asked.

Of course not. We ran through between them, and the few who noticed us were frozen in place with a Frost Nova spell as we made it to the safety of the dam.

“That wasn’t very courageous.”

“I thought you wanted to see the dam, not battle.” I told him.

“This is such a cheap ride.”

“Are you paying for this trip?”

Randis grumbled. This sort of thing is probably why I’m not a father.

Randis’ mood improved once we reached the center of the dam, where we saw the amazing giant stone heads on the Wetlands side, and he was completely impressed with the dam’s size overall.

Randis had ideas about how to proceed. “You can do that thing where we float down after jumping off the dam, right?”

“No, I haven’t yet progressed that far in my studies.”

“Aw, maaaaan…”

Soon we were heading back through the kobold camp and through the gates to Dun Algaz. The Wetlands are as much as a zoo as Loch Modan, but I was even less equipped to deal with the wildlife. Soon a crocolisk had us facedown in the marsh. The graveyard is right near Menethil, so we just revived there and were done with it.

On the boat to Auberdine, I jumped on the prow and got down. Randis didn’t know what to make of this, probably because he hasn’t been out adventuring before.

Children’s Week! A time when adventurers selflessly donate their time to instill hope and happiness into those youths who have lost their families to the wars that have been waged across our lands.

In reality, this means you become a field-trip chaperone to a class of one, and all you need to do to qualify for the job is be level 10. I’m not entirely sure that’s a good set of qualifications. You could be level 10, summon evil demons from the outer regions, still say obnoxious things like “l0l u n00b pwned lern2play” on the general channel, and be controlled by someone who doesn’t even pay rent. Not exactly the kind of role model I’d want for a kid who’s lost pretty much everything.

I, however, being the bastion of respectibility and keen intellect honed by the scientific method, was perfectly capable to step up to the challenge of mentorship, and so I did. Randis was a plucky human youth. Plucky and freaking tall, I mean, I’m an adult and this kid stands taller than me, my hair notwithstanding!

Randis already had grand ideas of what he wanted to do. “Let’s go see the dam in Loch Modon!” he exhuberantly asked. “And there’s a pirate ghost by this lighthouse in Westfall and the bank in Darnassus looks like a bear!” And I’m like, uh, hey, kiddo, I’m 10th level, we’re not going to survive the trip. But Randis was persistent, like he had the best idea in the world, glowing above his little noggin.

I checked in with a priest friend of mine who sets me up with threads. He told me that he got temporary custody of Randis last year, and he wanted to see the exact same things. “Afterwards he wanted me to get Jaina Proudmoore’s autograph for him, and some ice cream.”

Right. Okay. I’m an adventurer, right? We can go visit a few siteseeing spots. How dangerous can that be?

The first time Randis and I died, we were running across the plains of Westfall. We had left the road to head southwest towards the coast, and at some point we got too close to some of those Defias rebels that camp there. One ran over and we couldn’t get away fast enough, and Nova Burst can be cast only so often. As Randis and I appeared as ghosts in the graveyard, I suppressed the urge to say something to the kid about this being exactly what happened to his parents. There’s a first time for everything when you’re that young, and I figured the next time I tell him, “Hey, don’t go over there or we’ll die,” it’ll have some deeper meaning for him.

But eventually we arrived at the lighthouse where the ghostly pirate captain was playing cribbage by his lonesome. Randis looked like he was going to hide behind me, but realizing that it would be physically impossible to do so, he went up to the ghost and said, “Hi.”

“Yaarrrr,” the ghost replied.

“Awesome,” said Randis, who immediately after had already had enough, despite his earlier enthusiasm. He started tugging on my sleeve to see the Stonewraught Dam.

We made it back to Sentinel Hill without incident, and from there we flew to Thelsamar.